Rough drafts don't make a living

At 24, I have to shamefully bow my head and admit: I’ve become a rough draft person. Remember how English teachers taught the importance of doing a first, second and third draft of a paper? How we drilled editing techniques and became mistake-finding gurus? Well somewhere along the way, my third draft in choreographing became non-existent. Soon, the second draft slipped away too and I found I had completely adopted an edit-as-you-go method. I would simply give the dance phrase my best first shot and pat myself on the back for even doing it at all. A year after graduation, I had an epiphany. How can I be a choreographer if I always neglect the second and third drafts?

I always had a hunch that I wasn’t putting in enough effort into my Beginning Dance Composition class. I knew I could have spent more time editing my dance phrases and feeling more confident that I had them memorized. I had no way of qualifying what it was that I was lacking. The answer was most definitely “the second and third drafts”. I took more than 7 months off from dancing on a regular basis after school. Of course, I stretched and choreographed short blips of movement, but my life dream has always been to become a professional performer and choreographer. Short blips of movement won’t cut it. Today I was trying to figure out why I could not motivate myself to choreograph something complete. I decided to read Twyla Tharp’s The Creative Habit. There is a chapter entirely dedicated to knowing when you’re in a stubborn rut or a blissful groove. That sounded exactly like something I needed to be reading. And that’s when I found the line: “We get into ruts when we run with the first idea that pops into our head, not the last one”.

                Good ole Twyla. She’s right. I find myself in a dance rut because I don’t push for the next options- the better options. The first ones are usually pretty unoriginal and basic. But I settle for that with my choreography right now- telling myself, "at least I made something". So far, I’ve been taking baby steps in my dance career- fearful of not making it. It’s time to take bigger steps. Leaps even! It’s time to start consistently writing the second and third drafts.

Current choreographic inspirations: Alexander Ekman. Crystal Pite. William Forsythe. 

Goofing Around

Just figured out how to work iMovie today. Made a silly little quip to learn all of the gadgets and here's the result. Enjoy a laugh :)

Workin on a new somethin somethin

Rough draft of something I hope to make a longer solo. Can you say RUG BURN!

It's the day of the show!

      Today, I'm officially dancing as a dtx member for the first time outside of Muhlenberg!! I'm so excited to launch it with this performance. Although dark and deep and going down places people hate going down, this piece encourages conversations about race- about our nation's history and foundations in a multi-perspective atmosphere. Even in the politely blanketed state of Texas, avoiding racially charged conversation after seeing this show would be a chore. Nobody is getting off the hook that easy. And in a place like Texas, we are all excited to sample the audience's responses once that blanket has been removed.
      TAR (the remix) looks at race in it's many facets. It does not resolve or provide an answer. It is a starting point for audiences to find their own resolution. TAR is trying to excavate the unsaid here in Austin and get people- all people- loving each other, really and truly.

       This is my solo from a dress rehearsal. If you can't come see the full show, the history on this song in particular could serve as your jumping off point in sharing our conversation. Happy Friday.

  

Creating is my thing

      This Austin trip has been a stimulator. We have a full show now, complete with masks and texts and disturbing imagery. We have been rehearsing since Monday without a day off. And it's all been heavy and philosophical. But Danielle, Karama and I (the 3 staying in Charles' house this trip) have made a point to go out, to laugh, to get excited about dance again by watching clips of each of our inspirational artists and so on. Together, we feed off of our love for good solid movement. Karama showed me this artist who is apparently a very famous choreographer, Crystal Pite. She is amazing!! You should definitely YouTube her. Every time I watch another clip I want to get up and create. I want to snap my fingers together and have a group of dancing bodies that I can make do beautiful things like she does. It's so mesmerizing.

    So we have been supporting each other in our continued pursuit of dance as a career (I may have convinced Karama to move to LA next year yay!) and- more than that- a valid career. And after all of this hype and exciting mornings spent loving our art, I am so pumped to get the ball rolling in LA, finally! I will be in more classes, involved in more audition searching, and simply, seeing more dance- live or online. I forgot how refreshing it is to just watch really awesome dance!

I'm still here!

I'm back! I haven't given up on my recent keeping-up-with-this-blog motivation. Just needed some inspiration and actively went looking for it this afternoon.

The last few weeks of our Mexican vacation were awesome. We had a lot of friends (old and new) coming in and out of the house to stay, which meant a lot of socializing and entertaining/cleaning.

Poker kids and camera crew at Splash in Rosarito, Mexico

Combine that with all the poker I was trying to cram in and I didn't do any more videos. But behind all these excuses, I think the real reason I didn't make any more videos was that I felt like I hit a road block. I started improvising every video, which is fine, but I think I was ready for a new step: using those improvisations as the material I could edit and manipulate into something better-crafted. This step is a goal that takes more time and creativity. Learning poker also takes time and creativity. And since we were in Mexico for me to play, I decided I would put my efforts towards improving my game.

It paid off! I took second for the biggest score I've had to date in poker--- $917! It was exhilarating to have all the guys surrounding the computer to root me on and help me out with the heads up, etc. 1st was $1,300 I think so I was slightly disappointed, but I know I'm improving.

I also made some heavy decisions while in Mexico. I know I can make poker something I'm successful at. I'm capable, if nothing else. But I now know that I can't spend every second of every day playing and talking about all the complex situations you run into in poker. It's a very intricate game. Russell and Jesse and the other poker friends that were down there have no trouble analyzing different spots over and over again, but my brain starts to go numb and at some point, I just crave a creative and physical outlet. It's in my bones. This got me thinking: should I continue pursuing poker if I can't become the best at it? Is it too unstable to provide immediate life happiness? Am I actually going off on a life tangent by trying to play poker, travel AND dance? Should I just stick to dance and get a part time job in some cafe or retail store? I'm 24. When am I gonna be financially stable and get this 'career thing' going??


Then, a big sigh. A smile at the pelicans fighting over a fish down there in the waves. A surprise when a dolphin pops up. Is anyone else seeing this?!? This is silly.


Yes, I'm 24. Yes, I'm trying something different. Yes, I'm broke. But I trust my initial inclinations to make a living out of poker. I have the best teachers around me and I get to see, first hand, why their freedom to travel and work whenever they want appeals to me more than any random part-time job could. I'm just starting, so this is the hard part. I have people who love me, I am seeing the world, I'm going to relax. I promise.

My conclusion: stick with poker until the end of 2013. Get a good idea of it's feasibility. Set better hours for myself for when to play. Go to dance classes throughout the week when in LA. Just do it. Make dance videos my habit, whether they're all improvised or not. Read more. Move more than that. I can do both if I really want both. And I realized, I like both more when I'm doing a little less of each.

Welp, "it feels good to have a plan". (the infamous Jesse phrase)

How you relax even when you don't want to.

Gettin' pumped for dtx!

In a few weeks I will be performing with three other lovely women in a piece by Charles O. Anderson.We will be in Austin, TX if anybody needs an excuse to visit me or this city :) This clip is part of my solo, which follows a beautiful piece of group work with all four of us. The text is by a lady named Ursula, a friend of Charles. Still trying to relate to it, but for now, just feels good to be gettin into this movement again. Can't wait til I have the room to kill it on stage!